Sunday, July 15, 2007

a medley

lonely, i am so lonely; where is the love, the love?; i'll be loving you, love me; that's all i ask of you

Saturday, July 14, 2007

me, the troublemaker

And so it is. I've been indirectly deemed a troublemaker. =(

Am I unreasonable, not understanding, a lousy bf?

I promised to communicate better, and that was precisely what I was doing. But it now seems like a wrong move.

I merely wanted to talk things out and understand why. Shouldn't I at least know why you could not meet me? Isn't it part of the communication aspect of every relationship? Shouldn't wanting to spend time with each other in a relationship be a given? How was I to know? If I were in your shoes perhaps I would have worked things out differently, but I must remember that that's me. So how was I to know? You say that you should not need to explain the rationale out. Yea I do trust you, but the question here is not about trust anymore. You ask if i feel short-changed. I never felt that way. How do you quantify such things? Love is not a transaction, to me.

It's my fault. For wanting to spend time with you. We really are not spending much quality time together, are we? I don't know anymore. It's my fault. For being dependent. Arn't couples supposed to be dependent on each other in a relationship? I love you, and i miss you. It's my fault.

You make it seem that I was not understanding about you being tired. You've known me for 3years now. Do you really think I'm insensitive? Now, i know. You said you now realise that you were a troublemaker for your ex. So now I'm a troublemaker for you. It doesn't feel good to be compared with an ex. It so doesn't. =(

You don't see it, do you? You just don't.
It's not you wanting your way, it's me. It's not me putting the blame on you, its you on me. So its not you being demanding, it's me. It's me. You have chosen a lousy bf.

I am a troublemaker, that's what I am. I'm the one always having problems with you, not you with me. YES, I agree with you. I am purposely creating trouble for you. I have too much time and love on my hand that I don't know what to do with it, so I stir shit. YES, I am insensitive and have the wrong concept of what a relationship is about. This is the 3rd time you have raised your voice at me. Good job! This troublemaker needs to be put in his place. I am nothing but trouble-not understanding, not loving, overdemanding, puts myself above others, stress infusing, a bloody bastard. I'm dying inside. I deserve it.

I am a troublemaker. dear, i'm sorry.